When two people decide to get married, they never imagine that anything bad will ever happen to their relationship. However, for a lot of couples, problems can develop that can cause serious issues if not dealt with quickly. That is why it is important to deal with any arguments or problems as soon as you can. Here are some tips that you can use to help keep your partnership in perfect shape.
Make a List of All the Issues
As well as all the little issues you might know about; there are probably some others that you don’t know. These issues can cause the most trouble because you never discuss them. To help deal with all these problems, both of you need to make a list of all the things that trouble you, even the things you never talk about. Be prepared for some surprises and try not to start an argument about them, the idea of this list is to help you both work through the things on the list until they are all completed. Don’t expect to agree on them right away; it will take time. However, with them out in the open, you can start to make progress.
Start by Fixing Yourself
To begin fixing your marriage, you need to think about yourself before you can start thinking about both of you. If you try to change your partner’s personality or attempt to fix their issues, all that will happen is you will get into arguments. It is far better for you to use your energy and your intelligence to see what you can both do for yourselves. The question you need to ask yourself is ‘What do I need to do to be happy even if the other person doesn’t change?’ Allow time for the both of you to start working on yourselves before working on the marriage. If one of you is not looking to change anything, then this might mean there are deeper issues that might need professional counseling.
Avoid the Mudslinging
Being negative towards each other will never solve anything, in fact, it is a sure-fire way to make things worse. If you want your marriage to survive, you will need to stop all the negative remarks. No more sarcasm, anger, snide remarks or anything that will upset or hurt the other person. If you are having a discussion and you think either one of you is becoming angry, then walk away and let things settle. If you let it turn into an argument, you won’t be able to fix anything, and you may even make things a lot worse. Studies have shown that marriages often survive on a ratio of good to bad interactions of 5 to 1. That might sound ok, but you should be aiming for a much higher ratio nearer 1000 to 1. You might not be able to meet that target, but if that’s what you are aiming for, then you are on the right track.
Learn How to Start Sentences Calmly
If you are going to be discussing a sensitive topic, there is nothing worse than one of you starting a sentence with ‘Well the problem with you is…’ To make your conversation more constructive and less confrontational, you need to learn how to interact with each other sensitively. Try starting your sentences with ‘My concern is…’ or ‘I would like to…’ This will help to avoid any anger or pent-up emotion that may be wrapped up with these topics. It is also important that both of you try to think carefully before you respond to each other’s questions. It will give you time to gather your thoughts instead of saying the first thing that comes into your head.
Make Time for Each Other
Discussions such as these are never going to be sorted out in five minutes, so you shouldn’t start such a conversation without having the time to deal with it. Make an arrangement between you for the best time and meet up. You should try to arrange it so that you are at home as this means you can chat without anyone interrupting you. It is also best not to chat in a public place in case things do get heated; you don’t want an argument in the middle of a café! Think about the times when you first got together, when you used to talk about all sorts of things for hours. Though you might not have the time for that now, you should try to approach these discussions in the same way.
Find the Middle Ground
In arguments, all too often one person is trying to get what they want over the other. It is the type of argument that goes nowhere and only builds resentment. Instead, try to come to an agreement that deals with both your issues and solves the problem. Try to use this technique on your list of issues; you might be surprised to find that you can tick many of them off in this way. The key to making this work is that both of you must be prepared to give and take. If one of you is not going to try and meet this expectation, then it will be doomed before it starts.
Don’t Be Afraid of Outside Help
Neither one of you wants to be another statistic of the divorce rate in Florida, or anywhere else, so you need to try every possible way to save your relationship. If things are not working out on their own, then you may need someone else to help you work through your problems. These counselors have heard many issues before, and they are trained to listen and to understand. Even if it doesn’t ultimately solve anything, it is certainly worth the effort.
No marriage is perfect; there are always going to be little things that need resolving. But, if you can talk to each other, then you are on the right path to success.